"All I see is turducken and weed… when I close my eyes and think of the last Thanksgiving we spent together."-My friend Bayer
Me: No, it's fine. Whatever, I'm gonna go, marry some guy who's 6'3 and pop out some kids and live a gross hetero life where I wear khakis and compete to be the representative of PTA meetings and force my kids to play soccer.
Tash: It's gonna go past the khakis, you're gonna pop out your 3 kids and you're gonna have a daughter. And you know what? You're daughter's gonna be gay and you're gonna be so jealous that you post an ad on CraigsList that says "married woman looking for love with a sexy lady".
Me: You make me sound pathetic.
Tash: Well, you will be.
brooklynborncaliraised asked: Hey, im your new lesbian friend lmao
!!!Love it! How are you!
I fuckin hate crushing on this straight girl at work who would be perfect if she were gay. I think about her constantly. She’s so amazing and she would be the perfect dyke. Like everything about her screams queer. She has this amazing confidence and self reliance that I find super sexy, she gets really protective of me, she’s dominant and assertive and she’s a total badass, she’s beautiful, she pretty much only watches female sports teams…she visibly lights up when I visit her at work and is disappointed if I don’t visit her for awhile…ugh. Fuck my life. I’ve tried to throw hints, I mean I do work in a professional environment but, damn. I dunno. Have you had a straight-girl crush lately? How did you get over it?
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
"Women can not resist a man singing show-tunes. It’s so powerful not even a lot of men can’t resist a man singing show-tunes."-
The Office, Season 7
Not right away, obviously.
I’m definitely most critical of couples who move fast in their relationships. —If you move in with each other before you’ve been together for at least a solid year- I’m judging you and doubting your relationship. Just letting you know.
but yeah… eventually, when it’s right, I want the U-Haul.
I want the mature relationship where we both have our lives and separate responsibilities, but at the beginning and end of the day it’s about us. We can make dinner and talk about our day and brush our teeth together and sleep together, and wake up next to each other at the crack of dawn and probably bitch at each other about who needs the bathroom to get ready first while the other fixes coffee/tea…